Found by wandering the internet and that I found kinda funny.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself... Where the heck is the ceiling?!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Over, under, or through.
(Three-day eventing exhortation on how to get to the other side of a cross-country obstacle)

A racetrack is a place where the human race is secondary.

You can tell a gelding, you can ask a mare, but you must discuss it with a stallion.

Horses do think. Not very deeply, perhaps, but enough to get you into a lot of trouble.

Riding-the art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.

'Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! '
I blushed slightly on this one.
<.<;;
I guess I have a corrupted mind, after all.

lol, love them! like the one about flying is just throwing yourself at the ground and learning to miss it (or something along those lines) lol

Alba xx